it’s 3:31 am.
it’s march. errr, april 1st, i guess.
63 degrees outside, and about 75 inside. quite comfortable really, with the fan on and the few windows open that are able to open.
i’m listening to pandora. sounds of taylor swift, rascal flatts, carrie underwood and more fill my ears. a lot of people don’t like their music- especially taylor and the trio, but i do. my fish-spud- swims around inside his tiny fishtank, playing with his twin reflecting back at him as he swims around. it’s spud and i chillin’ here in the middle of the night, or the middle of the morning. however you wanna look at it. i spent the night watching ku basketball and reading the second book in ‘the hunger games’ trilogy.
sleep should come to me soon, but this whole working nights thing has flipped my sleep schedule in such a way that i hardly know when i’m supposed to sleep anymore.
it was a good evening… my parents came for a while. we went to eat at the brookeville and then did some yardwork. it’s hard to know how much work to do on a rental. i want it to look nice, but i don’t want to spend too much money on a place that isn’t permanent. but then again, what place is?
after my parents left and i finished ‘catching fire’ i thought i’d go to bed, but instead here i sit. in quite a melancholy mood. i’m thankful for spud, because at this time of night there’s not many people awake to talk to. a fish is an odd sort of company. he doesn’t make any sort of noise, and i can’t pet him. yet still he’s company as he swims furiously around his small quarters.
this hunger games kick makes you think, you know? i’ve had some friends compare the capitol to us. and i can obviously see this. the way they worry about frivolous things when people are dying right in front of them. i hate that. i hate that we do that, too. and as i get caught up in the book i’m so thankful that a way to bring reform to her world came to katniss. she didn’t ask to be a mockingjay, a change maker, but she became one. i’m pretty sure awesome things are going to happen in the third book, and i really want to read it. but i’m taking a break tonight. odd that finishing a fictional book makes me pause and think- even require me to take time to reflect on what i’ve read.
even though i’m supposed to identify with the capitol, i realize that i also identify with katniss, the heroine who is so incredibly smart and talented. and how she overthinks every decision, and never thinks she’s come to the right one; never thinks she’s good enough. i’m thankful that her life is in the hands of a very imaginative and talented writer. i’m hoping ms. collins wants only the best for her, because i feel as if my own heart will hurt if something happens to this fictional character.
i’m thankful, too, that my own life is held in the hands of something bigger than myself. to think otherwise would destroy all hope in life. that’s my word. hope. i have a hope in jesus christ that he really is working all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. that he knows my thoughts and dreams and hopes and desires. that he put them there, and he will fulfill them in his time. “…and now, lord, what do i wait for and expect? my hope and expectation are in you…” -psalm 39:7
i have so many hopes and dreams that are crammed into my brain at all times. they begin with a life full of happiness for myself and those around me, my own family someday… they grow from there to a world where there is no more pain and hurting. where there is no more disease, no more starvation, no more lost and aching hearts. so much i wish i could do. i’d never know where to start. for now i do small things like sponsor a world vision child, volunteer when i can, and give to organizations that i hope are doing more than i. maybe someday i’ll get the chance to do more.
anyway. that’s it for now. it feels good to get things out sometimes.
oh look. it’s 4:05. maybe i can get some sleep now 🙂