life is awkward.

Life is awkward. Don’t even try to disagree with me.

Or…. maybe it’s just me?

It seems like I am always meeting someone new, or saying goodbye to someone old, or running into someone I know, or having a random conversation with someone I hardly know, or making a phonecall that just turns out… awkward. Take for example: Church. Rather, after church. I don’t care how well you know the other church-goers, those few minutes after the service when you run into people you know and meet people you don’t and try to catch the people you need to talk to are simply awkward. [Or maybe it’s the fact that I’ve lost my ability to be in any situation and not feel awkward… Never when I was little did I realize that an awkward situation was even a possibility].

Scenario: You’re talking to one person and you see someone else you need to talk to. Are you polite and say goodbye to the first person and risk not getting to the second before they leave? Or do you yell at the second person that you need to talk to them, giving a hint to the first person that you are soon leaving them? Or do you try to have a conversation with both of them at once? Which never works, because someone always feels awkward.

The feelings of awkwardness are even more intensified when I’ve been gone for a long time. Because then there are so many people to see and I end up saying the same thing over and over and over again. Then… what do you say when you’ve ran out of things to say? I mean, they asked me about my life, I asked them about theirs… we both actually wanted to know what the other was thinking… yet now we know; what do we do? It’s not like on the telephone when you can say “Oh! I have to go!,” because when you’re face to face with someone they’ll see that you’re not really leaving, just leaving them… and maybe they’ll wonder why you didn’t want to talk to them anymore and why you’d rather go talk to that other person!

Today, during one of many after-service-awkward-conversations I actually almost said “awkward” in the middle of a silent moment. Uh. THAT would have been awkward.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized more and more how awkward life really can be. Church is just one example. I’ve realized why people sometimes run out the doors right after a service. I’ve realized why people don’t like to branch out of their comfort zones. It’s because changing things up can make life awfully awkward.

However, I’ve come to the conclusion that – I like it. I enjoy taking the time to stop and think this moment is really awkward. Because at the same time I realize that I chose to make that moment. I chose to get up out of bed and leave my house, which created the awkward moment that I am in. I chose to say hi to this person, or at the very least not ignore them, and by talking I allowed my life to become just a little more uncomfortable. Yet, so very much more comfortable at the same time. If we hide from awkward moments, we will never meet new people, experience new things, find out about others, or, in essence, get to know nor be a part of real life.

Real life is awkward. I kinda like it that way.

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